Even though we had a wonderful Christmas break, it was also a very stressful one for us. I had a suspicious mole removed on December 5. I got the call that it was a melanoma, and that it was too early to be staged. Well, I thought that meant it was too small and not to worry about it. I was scheduled to have it out December 21. Tim went with me, and we left Jackson at home with my mom. We did some shopping ahead of time, but I just had this awful feeling about this surgery. When I got there, I found out that the melanoma was invasive meaning that it had already penetrated under the epidermis. The doctor had to cut a 2cm diameter incision and several mm deep. It was actually more painful than I thought it was going to be. I tried to hold it together in the office but I immediately broke down in the car. I was terrified. I wasn't terrified about the possible treatment; I was terrified for what life would be like for Jackson without me. I cried for days. I didn't want to have to think about Jackson growing up without a mother. I felt nauseous and barely ate. I was so worried about the results. I had to wait almost 2 weeks until I got the phone call that the margins were clear. It was a big relief, but I didn't want to feel totally relieved until I saw the doctor. Tim came with me to get the stitches out. The doctor said that the margins were clear, and it was not any worse than what we thought at the beginning. The tumor had gone .2mm below the epidermis and was 1 mm in diameter. It has not spread anywhere else. He did emphasize that this was a serious cancer especially since I am so young. I have to keep a constant watch and will go back every three months. My days of laying on the beach are over. I can go out before 10 and after 4 loaded with sunscreen and layers of clothes. The good news is that I really don't ever have to worry about bathing suit shopping again! I guess I should go ahead and buy stock in sunscreen too! Of course, none of this matters. I am just so glad that it was caught early. It is amazing how a health scare can change your whole perspective on life. I am learning to not waste time worrying about things that I cannot change. I am working hard to bring less work home so I have more time to spend with Jackson. Tim and I are trying to spend more quality time together. I am enjoying every single day. We never know how many days we will have, so we should enjoy each one. I continue to pray every day that a cure for cancer will be found and that I will not have to worry about melanoma again.
We also had to deal with another difficult issue during Christmas break. We made the decision to have Splash put to sleep. She had terrible arthritis and could barely walk. She had basically stopped drinking water, and you could tell she was in pain. Tim took her and stayed with her. Splash was the sweetest dog. When she first came to live with us, she could run with me. We used to enjoy long walks during the summer. Splash loved children and was always gentle. I remember when Tim first build her doggie door. She was terrified to go through it. He had to show her how to do it. We love you, Splash!
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